Sister's Testimony
This is my sister's testimony. I thought it was worth sharing.
Growing up, my parents took me to church and I played the part. I got baptized at 12 years old and I remember wanting to tell my friends, but I was afraid to. Unfortunatly the only reason I got baptized then because I knew I was supposed to. I never really was changed.
Years later I met and married Bryan and we moved to Beebe. We ended up visiting Union Valley Baptist Church and I remember thinking that I had never been so captivated by a sermon before. I grew up going to church but it was different...I never paid attention and I guess looking back it was a mostly a social thing. UVBC's pastor, Brother Tommy, kept my attention (and anybody that knows me well knows that I have the attention span of a gnat).
So Bryan and I decided to join Union Valley, and since I had never been a member of a Baptist Church before I was baptized (Aug. 1999). Soon after that I started reading the Left Behind Series and it scared me. I never felt "changed" but at this point since I had already been baptized twice I kept my mouth shut.
My mom died in March of 2004 and I really took a step back and looked at my life. I heard a song recently that says "I despise my own behavior. This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a savior." That's exactly how I felt (only not the man part because I'm a woman). I hated myself and I struggled with that for almost two years.
I worked at Children's Hospital every other weekend until last summer. Finally in August I got a Monday through Friday position at Children's and I was finally able to attend church services regularly. August through November I really struggled with my insecurity about my salvation. I remember a communion night in late fall that I really lost it. I was crying so hard thinking to myself "He went through the horrific beating and hung on that cross for me, and I am too afraid to come forward because I worried about what my family and friends will think?" I just remember thinking that everybody I knew would think to themselves that I had been faking it for so long and that I was a liar. I was ashamed at the fact that I never "gotten right" earlier.
On Sunday, December 11th, Doug James (my Sunday School teacher) was talking about the day that he was saved. He named that day as the day that he was forever changed. I knew I never had that. Then during the church service, Brother Tommy preached on whether we ever made time for Jesus. It really spoke to me. During the time of decision I was having an all out war inside of me. I was crying and struggling to break free. Then all of a sudden my cell phone starts ringing (I had no idea it was in my coat pocket) and it was the Chicken Clucking song. I scrambled to turn it off and I felt like dying of embarrassment. I thought to myself that it ruined what I was about to do. Then I decided that I wasn't going to continue to let Satan pull me away from what I needed to do. I had spent too much time running from the Lord when I needed to be running to Him. It's kind of ironic that it was the Chicken song (I have different ring tones for different people and only ONE that rings that tune)...it was like God was calling me a chicken. So I broke free from the guilt and shame and then it was like I couldn't get to Brother Tommy fast enough to confess that I had never made time for Jesus but I was ready to do it now. I thank God for being so patient with me and not giving up on me, even though I had long since given up on myself. I believe that God sends storms into your life for a reason and losing my mom meant finding God--completely.
Since then, Bryan and I really almost split. On Valentine's Day of this year we went to marriage counseling and when we left I had made of my mind that I couldn't do it anymore. For four days, I spent every second of free time trying to plan on how I would tell everyone (especially Madison and McKenzie). Bryan and I didn't speak to each other at all that week after Valentine's Day until Friday of that week. He wrote me a note telling me that he didn't want to give up on us. Also in the letter he told me that part of the problem lately was him struggling with his salvation because he had seen a peace about me since December that he had never felt. (I was shocked because he was the son and grandson of Baptist preachers and had even done some preaching himself as a teenager.) Even through the marital storm he could tell that I was changed since December 11th. Friday through Sunday morning I didn't talk to him about the salvation part because I didn't want to influence him either way. I just prayed almost constantly that he would either get saved, or if he was already saved and the devil was just planting doubt in his mind, then he would find comfort.
That Sunday morning was the snow and ice storm and many churches were closed. I knew that we needed to be there Sunday and so I prayed church wouldn't be cancelled. Well we had church and Bryan broke down in Sunday School and asked Jesus to come into his life. So I feel like God allowed us to absolutely hit rock bottom in our marriage so Bryan would take a step back and see what was really bothering him--he needed to give his life to Christ. These last few months have changed our lives and it's because of Him that we are now able to weather life's storms--TOGETHER! It took us longer than it should have, but we finally have given ourselves to Him.
Sorry this was so long, but I have to share my story. Thanks for allowing me to share it with you.
Growing up, my parents took me to church and I played the part. I got baptized at 12 years old and I remember wanting to tell my friends, but I was afraid to. Unfortunatly the only reason I got baptized then because I knew I was supposed to. I never really was changed.
Years later I met and married Bryan and we moved to Beebe. We ended up visiting Union Valley Baptist Church and I remember thinking that I had never been so captivated by a sermon before. I grew up going to church but it was different...I never paid attention and I guess looking back it was a mostly a social thing. UVBC's pastor, Brother Tommy, kept my attention (and anybody that knows me well knows that I have the attention span of a gnat).
So Bryan and I decided to join Union Valley, and since I had never been a member of a Baptist Church before I was baptized (Aug. 1999). Soon after that I started reading the Left Behind Series and it scared me. I never felt "changed" but at this point since I had already been baptized twice I kept my mouth shut.
My mom died in March of 2004 and I really took a step back and looked at my life. I heard a song recently that says "I despise my own behavior. This only serves to confirm my suspicions That I'm still a man in need of a savior." That's exactly how I felt (only not the man part because I'm a woman). I hated myself and I struggled with that for almost two years.
I worked at Children's Hospital every other weekend until last summer. Finally in August I got a Monday through Friday position at Children's and I was finally able to attend church services regularly. August through November I really struggled with my insecurity about my salvation. I remember a communion night in late fall that I really lost it. I was crying so hard thinking to myself "He went through the horrific beating and hung on that cross for me, and I am too afraid to come forward because I worried about what my family and friends will think?" I just remember thinking that everybody I knew would think to themselves that I had been faking it for so long and that I was a liar. I was ashamed at the fact that I never "gotten right" earlier.
On Sunday, December 11th, Doug James (my Sunday School teacher) was talking about the day that he was saved. He named that day as the day that he was forever changed. I knew I never had that. Then during the church service, Brother Tommy preached on whether we ever made time for Jesus. It really spoke to me. During the time of decision I was having an all out war inside of me. I was crying and struggling to break free. Then all of a sudden my cell phone starts ringing (I had no idea it was in my coat pocket) and it was the Chicken Clucking song. I scrambled to turn it off and I felt like dying of embarrassment. I thought to myself that it ruined what I was about to do. Then I decided that I wasn't going to continue to let Satan pull me away from what I needed to do. I had spent too much time running from the Lord when I needed to be running to Him. It's kind of ironic that it was the Chicken song (I have different ring tones for different people and only ONE that rings that tune)...it was like God was calling me a chicken. So I broke free from the guilt and shame and then it was like I couldn't get to Brother Tommy fast enough to confess that I had never made time for Jesus but I was ready to do it now. I thank God for being so patient with me and not giving up on me, even though I had long since given up on myself. I believe that God sends storms into your life for a reason and losing my mom meant finding God--completely.
Since then, Bryan and I really almost split. On Valentine's Day of this year we went to marriage counseling and when we left I had made of my mind that I couldn't do it anymore. For four days, I spent every second of free time trying to plan on how I would tell everyone (especially Madison and McKenzie). Bryan and I didn't speak to each other at all that week after Valentine's Day until Friday of that week. He wrote me a note telling me that he didn't want to give up on us. Also in the letter he told me that part of the problem lately was him struggling with his salvation because he had seen a peace about me since December that he had never felt. (I was shocked because he was the son and grandson of Baptist preachers and had even done some preaching himself as a teenager.) Even through the marital storm he could tell that I was changed since December 11th. Friday through Sunday morning I didn't talk to him about the salvation part because I didn't want to influence him either way. I just prayed almost constantly that he would either get saved, or if he was already saved and the devil was just planting doubt in his mind, then he would find comfort.
That Sunday morning was the snow and ice storm and many churches were closed. I knew that we needed to be there Sunday and so I prayed church wouldn't be cancelled. Well we had church and Bryan broke down in Sunday School and asked Jesus to come into his life. So I feel like God allowed us to absolutely hit rock bottom in our marriage so Bryan would take a step back and see what was really bothering him--he needed to give his life to Christ. These last few months have changed our lives and it's because of Him that we are now able to weather life's storms--TOGETHER! It took us longer than it should have, but we finally have given ourselves to Him.
Sorry this was so long, but I have to share my story. Thanks for allowing me to share it with you.
posted by Heath Hudspeth at 8:59 PM
1 comments
